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The Devil's Dictionary:    

Definition of Man

  MAN   noun
An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be.  His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earth and Canada.
  When the world was young and Man was new,
      And everything was pleasant,
  Distinctions Nature never drew
      'Mongst kings and priest and peasant.
      We're not that way at present,
  Save here in this Republic, where
      We have that old regime,
  For all are kings, however bare
      Their backs, howe'er extreme
  Their hunger.  And, indeed, each has a voice
  To accept the tyrant of his party's choice.

  A citizen who would not vote,
      And, therefore, was detested,
  Was one day with a tarry coat
      (With feathers backed and breasted)
      By patriots invested.
  'It is your duty,' cried the crowd,
      'Your ballot true to cast
  For the man o' your choice.'  He humbly bowed,
      And explained his wicked past:
  'That's what I very gladly would have done,
  Dear patriots, but he has never run.'

Apperton Duke

Devil's Dictionarydefinition from:
The Devil's Dictionary
by Ambrose Bierce, 1911


Last updated: 9/3/2011 12:48:30