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The Devil's Dictionary:    

Definition of Female

  FEMALE   noun
One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.
  The Maker, at Creation's birth,
  With living things had stocked the earth.
  From elephants to bats and snails,
  They all were good, for all were males.
  But when the Devil came and saw
  He said:  'By Thine eternal law
  Of growth, maturity, decay,
  These all must quickly pass away
  And leave untenanted the earth
  Unless Thou dost establish birth' --
  Then tucked his head beneath his wing
  To laugh -- he had no sleeve -- the thing
  With deviltry did so accord,
  That he'd suggested to the Lord.
  The Master pondered this advice,
  Then shook and threw the fateful dice
  Wherewith all matters here below
  Are ordered, and observed the throw;
  Then bent His head in awful state,
  Confirming the decree of Fate.
  From every part of earth anew
  The conscious dust consenting flew,
  While rivers from their courses rolled
  To make it plastic for the mould.
  Enough collected (but no more,
  For niggard Nature hoards her store)
  He kneaded it to flexible clay,
  While Nick unseen threw some away.
  And then the various forms He cast,
  Gross organs first and finer last;
  No one at once evolved, but all
  By even touches grew and small
  Degrees advanced, till, shade by shade,
  To match all living things He'd made
  Females, complete in all their parts
  Except (His clay gave out) the hearts.
  'No matter,' Satan cried; 'with speed
  I'll fetch the very hearts they need' --
  So flew away and soon brought back
  The number needed, in a sack.
  That night earth range with sounds of strife --
  Ten million males each had a wife;
  That night sweet Peace her pinions spread
  O'er Hell -- ten million devils dead!


Devil's Dictionarydefinition from:
The Devil's Dictionary
by Ambrose Bierce, 1911

Regular definition:
?fi:me?l adj. & n. --adj. 1 of the sex that can bear offspring or produce eggs. 2 (of plants or their parts) fruit-bearing; having a pistil and no stamens. 3 of or consisting of women or female animals or female plants. 4 (of a screw, socket, etc.) manufactured hollow to receive a corresponding inserted part. --n. a female person, animal, or plant. °female impersonator a male performer impersonating a woman. °°femaleness n. [ME f. OF femelle (n.) f. L femella dimin. of femina a woman, assim. to male]

Last updated: 9/3/2011 12:48:30